Friday, January 23, 2009

Displacement

I'm sitting at Chuys and waiting. It is a festive atmosphere with lots of people enjoying each others company. Some are families some are co-workers. There are lots of kids running around. Occasionally, I'll see some one looking at me and it's been fun to watch their expressions change. At first they would give a quick glance and carry on with their conversation. Then their gaze began to linger a bit longer and an inquisitive look would flash across their faces. Now, as I catch their glance, I see pity.

The feelings that I'm feeling are strangely reminiscent of how I felt in Berlin. I had been there long enough to feel comfortable with the city, and, at the same time, I didn't have any one to call, or anything to do but wait. Wait until it was night, wait until it was day, wait until a party started. I was surrounded by people some of whom I had begun to recognized and some with whom I had become quite familiar. None of them seem to acknowledge me. There was a lot of activity, but I wasn't involved. I was invisible and just observing.

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